Sometimes I think we all need to say, “what the hey?” and have a good laugh.  Unfortunately, the writers of the newspaper headlines I am going to provide below probably didn’t realize they were writing comedy at the time.  On a side note, writers are asked many times to squeeze headlines to fit space requirements, which in turn can completely change the tone of the headline and promise a pretty different story.  My comments follow each headline.  Feel free to leave your own too.

Can you try to figure out what they were really trying to say?

“Kids Make Nutritious Snacks”
(Good thing I am watching my diet)

“Marijuana Issue Sent to Joint Committee”
(No wonder why we can’t get anything done)

“Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers”
(That will teach them)

“Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over”
(Hope he was well paid!)

“Denver Chapter Will Have Senator for Breakfast”
(That’s one way to deal with the healthcare and aging issue)

“Cops Quiz Victim in Fatal Shooting”
(Can they contact Harry Houdini too?)

“Jail Releases Upset Judges”
(Maybe they were involved in the Marijuana Committee?)

“City Council to Discuss Nudity in Private”
(TMI)

“Litigant Has No Right to Lay Advisers in Chambers”
(I should think not!  Unless of course they are all agreeable)

“Deans Promise to Stop Drinking on Campus”
(I thought the guy doing a keg-stand at the last party looked a bit old)

“FBI Adds to Reward for Killing Suspects”
(That’s one way to fight crime)

“School Board Member Suspected of Honesty”
(Wouldn’t want that to happen, would we?)

“Steamed Pudding and Crap Dip”
(What is this?  A recipe from a Survivor Cook Book?)

“High School to Colege?  It Depends”
(Yes.  Yes. It would for you)

“Socks Lower in Tokyo”
(Well, maybe the stock market had something to do with that)